It is OK to need others

Aug 28, 2018

A fear of being weak or needy is fairly pervasive in our individualistic society.

But the truth is, we need other people as much as we need food, water, and shelter. Human beings will not survive for very long without close contact with other human beings.

We are social beings and herd animals.

Think about it. If you end up on a desert island alone, you will lose touch with reality or die. There is a reason why solitary confinement is considered the most severe form of punishment. Being separated from others is a form of torture.

The bottom line is that you and your partner do need each other and this is healthy and normal.

Research shows that individuals in healthy partnerships, and those with close friends and a sense of community, have lower levels of stress and stress-related health concerns. Our nervous system regulates most efficiently and quickly when we have other people to turn to, co-regulation.

As adults, we have the capacity to regulate on our own, and it is helpful to have a variety of self-soothing tools at our disposal such as naming emotions, deep breathing, mindfulness, exercise, visualization, or journaling. Being able to soothe ourselves is important. And being able to turn to loving others is also important.

So the next time you think that weak for needing your partner, you may want to consider reminding yourself that you do need other people and this is normal!

Next, decide if the problem you are facing is one you want to work through on your own, using the tools you have. Or, if you want to go to your partner, or a friend, for talk and touch.


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